I turn 25 this month, I think it’s a turning stone in any woman’s life. I really got to thinking about where my life is going to go from here. I took a lot of years to find myself. I was experimenting with drugs, art, music, and knowledge. I wasn’t ready to jump into school. I remember I was 22 years old, I wanted to be a writer, so of course, I enrolled in school. It became too much for me. I didn’t have a good group of friends. I was suffering from low self-esteem. So I gave up when it all got too hard. Now, years have passed. I have learned through my many careers. I needed to find the thing I wanted to really do. I needed the goal to really want to make me work hard.
Of, course music is my life. It’s the thing I enjoying expressing myself. If I could be a musician, I would do it in a sec. But, the reality is bills need to be paid and well I don’t want to deliver pizza’s my whole life waiting for my musical break. That’s why I decided to go for my second love, Cosmetology. I have bounced around the idea for a whole. I would say since I was 13. Finally one day it all clicked and I knew I had to go for it with the same drive as I do with my music.
I don’t think it’s wrong for people to have many goals. I honestly think it would be weird if people only had one. I do think I have the potential to be a musician. I am not putting myself down and I still work hard. But, as any people I do need variety in my life. I need to have my hands in many different things to feel that I am taking full advantage of this crazy thing we call life. So, for me, cosmetology was another goal I needed to accomplish ,”Get my hands into.”
I went to my local college and enrolled for the course. I had learned that I had to take a college placement test. I had passed except for the language part. As many people who read my blogs you may notice grammar isn’t always my strong point. =) But, I worked hard and I passed the class. Now I am waiting for August to come. I wanted to take this time period to reflect.
I haven’t had a time period to reflect since my boyfriend’s accident. Which honestly was a hard time for me. I was so scared. Plus I was given so much responsibility so quickly, I couldn’t really process all of it. Plus the whole time I felt my every action was going to be judge and in some sense I was.
I didn’t go about things always in the right way. I wished I would have been calmer. I was just so hurt and I felt so broken anger just felt good. I realized through my life I can’t control how people treat me. But I can change how I react. It is better to walk away. It is better to just block those people out. You will always will have to react with people you may not get along with. But, they don’t have to ruin your time. Because those moments may turn out to be your best.
A lot of people didn’t want me to succeed A lot of people told me I was stupid for going to cosmetology school. A lot of people said I should be a better girlfriend, or I should be a better friend, or I should be a better family member. Yes! some area’s I was slacking but, in the end I need to truly to ask myself what do I need to be better at. I will never kiss somebody’s ass to make them like me. But, I will not treat them bad. Even if I have to be around these people. I will just let their words roll off my back. Now matter how hard it is. My theory is if I am in tune with myself and at peace with myself, Other’s opinion’s wont really matter because my confidence will over power that.
So now, I have to go down the road of fixing myself and making myself better. I need to heal and forgive. But, it is so easier said than done. But I have to in order to accomplish peace. If I have peace then I will have success. Tonight all we had all the band together. We all got through a song even if it wasn’t perfect we got through it. I was so happy to have these great positive people around. I was so happy and free. I realized my surroundings will make these things fall into place.
So I am going going to enjoy my time. I am going to feel great and try my best to look great. I truly want to be a successful and independent woman. Yet, portraying myself as a lady. We can’t take life for granted. We have to realize are actions have reactions. So it is up to US to make things for ourselves and for others. Life is hard as it is and we shouldn’t make it harder for each other. So maybe if we all tune in with ourselves like I’m doing this world would be better. =)